Managing Difficult Emotions: Your Go-To Guide To Coping Skills
As a therapist who works with a variety of populations and issues, I’ve found that different interventions and techniques work for different clients. However, there’s one tool every single person I work with can use, regardless of what their individual struggles are—and that’s coping skills.
What are coping skills?
Coping skills are the thoughts and behaviors we engage in that help us manage distressing situations. They can be divided into emotion-focused and problem-focused. Emotion focused coping skills help you feel better and help you manage your reaction to a situation, but aren’t necessarily aimed at changing your situation. Problem focused skills are best for situations that you have some control over because they can help you solve the problem or minimize it. When used effectively, they serve two key purposes. First, they allow us to learn and grow from difficult experiences, promoting better mental health. Second, they help us feel more secure and prepared when facing similar situations in the future. By developing and practicing effective coping skills, we can reduce the impact of stress and improve our overall quality of life. Below is a list of coping strategies I've compiled over the years as I’ve had the privilege to see what kinds of skills and activities help my clients cope the best when things feel tough.
Make Music Playlists & Listen to Music
Create playlists for different moods or just listen to your favorite songs. Music has tons of scientific backing for boosting mood and reducing anxiety and depression.
Surf the Internet (But Not Just Social Media)
Try YouTube videos, podcasts, or online games. These are great distractions and can keep your mind engaged.Brain Games
Do crosswords, Sudoku, trivia, or puzzles. These sharpen your mind and provide a calming sense of focus.Play Video Games
Video games can offer both mental stimulation and a way to keep your hands busy, which helps manage anxious energy.Play Board Games
Classic, simple, and social — a great way to connect and have fun.Make Photo Projects
Use sites like Shutterfly.com or Mailpix.com to create photo albums, gifts, or other creative projects.Journal
There are no rules to journaling. It doesn’t need to be daily, pretty, or perfect. Some people journal only when certain moods strike. If you’re unsure where to start, look up “Journal Prompts” on Pinterest for ideas.DIY Mani/Pedi
Treat yourself to a self-care spa day for your hands and feet.Self-Care Spa Day
Massage, acupuncture, facials — whatever makes you feel pampered and relaxed.Read a Book
Use Goodreads.com to find recommendations based on books you've loved. It’s a great way to keep your "to-read" list fresh.Look Up New Recipes
If cooking feels good to you, try new recipes. Pinterest is a goldmine for inspiration.Get Artsy!
You don’t have to be "good" at art to enjoy it. Doodle, paint, color, draw, scrapbook, make jewelry— the list goes on!Art Supplies to Check Out:
Scratch Art (Search "Scratch Painting" on Amazon)
Adult Coloring Books (Look for "Arteza Adult Coloring Book" on Amazon)
Paint-by-Number Kits (Check for "ACANDYL Paint by Number" on Amazon)
Jewelry Making Kits (Find "Jewelry Making Kit for Beginners" on Amazon)
Diamond Art (Search “Diamond Painting” on Amazon)
Online Window Shopping
Browse for fun. If you’re working toward a big purchase, this can feel inspiring. (If shopping addiction is a struggle for you, skip this one.)Do Jigsaw Puzzles
Put on music or a show and focus on the puzzle. It’s surprisingly relaxing. If space is an issue, look for a "puzzle mat" on Amazon so you can roll it up between sessions.Use Fidget Toys
Things like "Aaron’s Thinking Putty" or "fidget toys" (just search these terms on Amazon) can help relieve anxious energy.Move Your Body
Yoga, kickboxing, pilates, walking, or any form of exercise (in moderation) can do wonders for mental health.Take a Bath
Light candles, play music, and make it a soothing, sensory experience.Get Out of the House
Even 10 minutes outside can be a game-changer for your mood.Make a List of Goals or a Bucket List
Write down dreams, goals, or "someday" activities you’d love to do.Create a Quote or Lyric Book
Write down quotes or song lyrics that inspire you or bring you peace.Clean, Organize, or Declutter
Your environment often reflects your internal state. Organizing can feel like a mental reset.Call or Text a Friend
If you’re scared of "being a burden," STOP. People who love you want to hear from you. You’re not a burden. It’s like ripping off a bandaid — once you do it, you’ll feel better.Try a Guided Imagery or Self-Help App
Apps like "Calm Harm" or "Calm Fear" are great. Or, search YouTube for "Guided Imagery," "Safe Place Guided Imagery," "Breathing Techniques," or "Yoga for Beginners."Watch Happy, Funny, or Feel-Good Videos
YouTube is filled with funny animals, feel-good moments, and wholesome content. Viewing this kind of content this release endorphins, or what some call “the feel good” chemicals in our brains. It also helps reduce cortisol, which is the body’s primary stress hormone.Practice Breathing Exercises
Breathing techniques only work if you practice them regularly. Your brain can be "trained" to manage stress better, but it takes repetition and patience.Visit a Pet Store or Animal Shelter
Spending time with animals is a scientifically a proven mood booster.Volunteer
Helping others is a double win — you’re doing good for someone else and it’s proven to boost mood.Watch a Comedy or Nostalgic Movie
Laughter really is the best medicine. Movies from your childhood or ones that bring back good memories can also have a grounding effect.Scream, Yell, or Punch (Safely)
Grab a pillow and let it out! Suppressing anger can backfire, but releasing it in healthy ways is powerful.Creative Writing
Write fiction, short stories, or poetry. If you’re not feeling creative, try telling your own story from the beginning. Writing it out can feel like letting go of emotional "sludge."Take Home Message:
Developing effective coping skills is a powerful way to manage stress and anxiety. While the list above can feel overwhelming, it's important to remember that small, manageable steps can lead to meaningful change over time. Here are a few strategies to help make the process feel more achievable and motivating:
Start Small: Choose one coping skill to focus on initially, rather than trying to incorporate multiple strategies at once. Starting with something manageable, like deep breathing or journaling, can prevent burnout and increase success.
Make It Routine: Building a habit takes time, but incorporating coping skills into your daily routine—like mindfulness or a quick walk—makes them more accessible and easier to stick with.
Track Progress: Keep a journal of your coping skills, noting what works and how you feel. This helps reinforce positive outcomes and gives you insight into what may need adjustment.
Stay Flexible: Sometimes coping strategies may not work as expected. Being open to tweaking them based on your needs or current stressors can keep you from feeling discouraged.
Seek Support: It's okay to ask for help in finding and practicing coping strategies, whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or talking to loved ones. Encouragement can make a big difference in motivation.
Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize your efforts and improvements, no matter how small. Celebrating these milestones builds confidence and keeps you motivated.
